i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
