I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
