a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
