we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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