My liver just broke up with me...
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
