So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
