I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
