My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
