she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
