I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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