She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
pray to the hookup gods
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
