alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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