erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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