Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
