I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize