Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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