And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
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