if you like me you must not know who I am
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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