dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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