dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
