Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
