i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
