I accidentally had phone sex last night
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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