she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
