She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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