Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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