2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
