Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
