You're so nebulous sometimes
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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