Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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