I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Randomize
