I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
