Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize