dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
