Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
