i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
