How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
