I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The dick lei will go down in squad history
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
