I cockslap morals
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
