I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
