..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
