Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
