Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
