sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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