I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
