I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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