this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
