Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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