There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
pray to the hookup gods
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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