this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
