Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
