THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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