The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
