Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
