Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
40s are totally the cure
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
