i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
