I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
