Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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