so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's blow job season.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
