I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Randomize
