addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
