there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
