I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I want her autograph on my taint
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
