What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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