this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
