I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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