two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize