It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
