Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
