I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
