Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
