I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
