Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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