We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize