Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
