On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
