I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
