I wish I could punch you in the face.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
