Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
