I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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