Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize