he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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