he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
