My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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