...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
