Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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