Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
