so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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