The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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