I just threw up on my dentist
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
