I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
