So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
