Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize