you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize