dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
