So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
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