She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize