dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
