I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
