I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
