Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
wow bdsm is so cute
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
