oh god the rape fog is back!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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