Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
