forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
