Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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