this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
