weddingsv make me drug and hornr
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
