he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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