Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize