and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
