The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
