There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
