Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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